Life after PP

[bracken12345]

Hello!

I'm new to this site and would be really grateful to hear from other PP sufferers as above all it has been a very lonely experience...

Our baby girl was born at the beginning of April. The labour was pretty horrendous - 41 hours ending with a post partum haemorrage for me. I had insomnia in late pregnancy and post partum got almost no sleep at all for about 6 weeks due to the labour and my daughter's terrible colic (24 hours non-stop crying). I was so exhausted that after a month I decided I had to give up breastfeeding as I couldn't cope with the night feeds. Unfortunately my midwife recommended that I give up 'cold turkey' which in retrospect probably contributed to the crazy hormonal changes that may cause/exacerbate PP. I became severely depressed, made 3 suicide attempts and after the 3rd (when I drank bleach) I started to go psychotic and PP was finally diagnosed. I was sectioned and spent 10 days in psychiatric hospital. Despite antipsychotics and antidepressants the depression remained severe so I had 6 sessions of ECT which fortunately improved my mood quite quickly. I started to feel significantly better about 2 months ago.

There is no support group locally for people with PND or PP. I try to see as many people as possible by going to a playgroup and a baby swimming class but I still feel incredibly lonely. It's been so hard that everyone else got to know each other from day 1 and although they had their own problems being new mums I don't feel I can really discuss my horrible experiences with them. I also lack self confidence hugely - I was not a confident person prior to my daughter's birth but the PP seems to have robbed me of any confidence I did have. The days can seem so long when my husband's out at work for 12 hours and I really struggle to entertain the baby and worry that maybe I just wasn't cut out to be a mum.

Can anyone identify with this, and if so, how quickly did things improve? I have started to feel very low again despite a fairly high dose of antidepressants (50mg citalopram) & have no idea if this is normal for people following PP. I'm very lucky that my parents and in-laws have been incredibly supportive (they looked after the baby while I was ill) but now they just want to hear that I'm ok so I lie and say that things are fine when they're really not.

Also, I've read in several places that PP has strong links with bipolar disorder (manic depression) - one website even said they are one and the same thing - and that there is a 50% chance of becoming ill again even if you don't have any more children. My psychiatrist didn't seem to know much about this and it is really worrying me. I only had 2 very brief 'manic' episodes, literally only a few hours long, but I'd really like to clarify whether I'm likely to have bipolar disorder or not, anyone have any info on this?

Thank you! I'm so relieved to have found this site and would really like to hear from you.

[Hookster]

Hello - I had PP - the manic version in May/June 2006 after the birth of my son (first baby) - I am now pregnant again due in March 2009.  I was sectioned a couple of weeks after the birth and spent about six weeks in hospital.  After my episode and before deciding to go ahead and try and have another baby I spent alot of time on the internet trying to find out as much as I possibly could about reoccurence and probability - I also met with the perinatal phyciatrist at Wythenshawe hospital to discuss this and possible treatments and outcomes.  However after my episode I was obsessed with trying to get to the bottom of my officially diagnosis was it PP or Bipolar.  Basically PP is unofficially recognised and bipolar is officially recognised by the relevant medical councils and more often than not symtoms are very similar.  Studies have been done to try and ascertain whether there are any distinct characteristics to PP but no firm conclusions have been reached as far as I can make out.  Therefore as I understand it a phyciatrist will therefore diagnose Bipolar as they can not rule out a further episode either soon or in many years to come that is not connected to pregnancy.  The more research that it done it this condition the better, and certainly depending upon who you speak to they will have different views.  There has been a study into relapse probability - and my phyciatrist said that probability of manic relapse is around 50% (following further pregnancy) whilst depressive relapse is around 20%, although I really do think that it depends upon your individual circumstances and whether you had ever suffered mental illness prior to pregnancy.

It is really hard being open with other young mums and also getting to know them especially when you had been in hospital in the first few weeks - all I can say it that you are doing well to even go along to groups after what you have been through - and once the baby gets older I am sure things will get much easier.  I found my maternity leave pretty boring to be honest - not enough to fill 5 days.  Perhaps things will improve it you venture back to work next year?

I hope this information helps somewhat.

[fiona]

Hi "Bracken",

I suffered with pp following my son's birth March 06 and I sympathise with how you feel.  I only felt comfortable talking about the condition a year later & I can now be open with anyone who asks.  I found it VERY hard to talk to anyone except my husband & psychiatrist when I was ill.  I had 3-4 months of manic behaviour and 7 months of severe depression.  Personally I felt the depression was the hardest to cope with.  (My family found the manic moments worse).  I didn't get any mood stablilisers as they could trigger the pshycosis again, so had long black periods.  Like you, I tried the baby groups etc & they were (still are) really important.  I know what you mean about not wanting to talk about it, but I would try.  Once I was able to open up about my illness, I found the other mums were much more supportive & understanding.    Many had experiences and friends who had suffered similar experiences & I found an informal network  developed.
Also, don't forget - it does get better!!!  Your little girl will interact more as she grows up and entertain you rather than the other way round.
I have just found out I'm pregnant with #2, so will probable be a more regular visitor to this sight as the months go on... Apparantly I'm 90% likely to suffer from pp again, but preparing for it this time.
Good luck with the next few months.

It might be worth trying to get some CBT once you feel a bit better which is supposed to prevent/help in the long-term.   

[dave]

[quote]PP has strong links with bipolar disorder (manic depression) - one website even said they are one and the same thing - and that there is a 50% chance of becoming ill again even if you don't have any more children.  My psychiatrist didn't seem to know much about this and it is really worrying me. [/quote]
I think your psychiatrist doesn't know about this simply because it's not really true.  Bipolar disorder is a chronic condition - something you suffer with for a long time, if not life.  PP is a short-lived psychosis that will pass.  They are not the same thing by any means - they may share similar symptoms and even be confused sometimes, but PP is diagnosed because it comes closely after birth, often with no previous history.  My wife's psychiatrist suggested that it should disappear completely after a few years (the occasional glitch was to be expected). 

I think the 50% figure is an estimate if you [i]do[/i] have children, so I wouldn't worry too much about it - and I'm led to believe it's easier the second time around if you do want more children, because you know much more about what to expect.

[bracken12345]

Thanks so much for your replies, it is very reassuring to hear from you. PP is so incredibly cruel and my heart goes out to everyone who is suffering / has suffered with it. Thank goodness for this site! And the very best of luck to all you courageous 2nd-time-arounders - I don't think my hubbie and I would ever be brave enough to go through it all again. By the way, I had an article in the Guardian re: PP last month - type 'puerperal psychosis' into the search facility of the Guardian web page to view it.

Very best wishes to all x