Pregnant Again After Suffering From Pp First Time

[Frankie]

Hi
I'm new. I looked for ages for a site like this when I was suffering from PP. I had my son in May 04, the birth was long (3 days), he was a big baby and arrived by forceps, I lost a litre and a half of blood. I had a blood transfusion after a few days and came home when he was 5 days old.
Initially I felt fine, so very happy and contented. I should add that my son was conceived via IVF so he was much longed for (as all babies are I know) but particularly special too - I never thought I'd have a baby.
Anyway, in the folowing days my behaviour became erratic. I was slowly convincing myself that everyone thought I was a bad Mum, I tried to do everything, be a 'supermum', this culminated in my being awake 24hrs a day and rushing round like a maniac!
My husband, parents family and friends all knew there was a problem, the biggest problem they had was to get anyone to take that sereiously. Every midwife and health visitor that came hadn't met me before the birth so had nothing to compare me to. By this stage I had started to get paranoid and thought everyone I loved and trusted were turning against me. I tried to get away, I booked us into a hotel, I even locked myself in the bathroom at one stage.
What annoys me is that the 'professionals' said all these images would be forgotton, they still haunt me clear as day!
Anyway to cut a very long story short, on day 11 after the birth the doctor was called out by a health visitor, it wasn't my usual doc but it was my doctor from work, a company I had worked in for the past 10 years, he knew me well, and whilst I was under the very false impression this would be fine for me (as of course I thought I was fine!) he knew there was something very wrong. I was asked to attend the local psychiatric hospital, and of course I wouldn't go. By this time I was having very lucid times and others of total detachment, of course the team came to me. I was sectioned after about 3-4 hours of examination, it felt like I was in a criminal court, then i was taken away from my baby in a police car and kept in ICU at the hospital for 4 days.
I was in denial, I even made the policewoman wear one of my overcoats when I went in the car I was so embarassed that the neighbours might see, how stupid.
Well, I was kept in for 4 days, over a weekend so hardly saw anyone medical. The staff were ill-equipped to know how to care for a new mother, desparately trying not to loose it for fear of never seeing her baby again. I can safely say I have never been so scared in my life. I turned against my husband and family and would see no-one as I blamed them for putting me there. I saw my son sporadically but sometimes they promised to bring him and were then turned away beacuse i wasn't 'behaving' properly. I refused medication because i couldn't understand what was happening, no-one took time to explain, no-one took the time to tell me what the drugs did ( I have a scientific and medical background and needed answers) and how they would affect my baby (breast feeding). I had been exclusively feeding before I was taken away and my son was immediately put on bottles.
I was put in a mother and baby unit after 4 days and remained there till the end of July. I wont say I made a speedy recovery, far from it, even after a year I was still suffering. I went to tribunal and got off my section, it was hard going but something I had to do.
Its been a hard decision to try for a baby again, the IVF is hard enough but to have PP hanging over me even harder.
I know I havent said all I should, but also know that if you have experience of this you will know where I'm coming from.
Its all coming back clearly now because I am 12 weeks pregnant. I know I will be monitored closely this time.
I just wondered if anyone had had PP and gone on to have another baby, and what happened?
Thanks if you got this far, any replies welcome.
Frankiex

[emmajane]

frankie it is like you are telling me my life more or less all of what you are saying is just like me i really cant beleive what i am reading,
you say that you was trying to be a supermum i was doing that and all the nappies and baygrows and cotton wool and bottle had to be lined up perfectly it was like ocd i even thought that my husband was trying to poisen me and the children so i walked out and was leaving but i felt like everyone was watching me and spying on me and the road i was walking along was so loud and the cars where beeping the horn at me (i dont know if they where beeping there horns or not i could hear it but not certain if they was) everything anyone would say my mind took it differently and twisted it to something eles ie a nurse said to me if you want all this to end then take the tablet i thought she was trying to kill me so i wouldnt take this tablet.
i too and my husband was told that i would not remember any of the illness and what i did but i do i can clearly tell anyone from the beging of the illness to becoming well again what happened so how wrong they are i dont think such a big life shattering illness you canever forget it,
after having this illness i have not wanted to have another child but then again i have 3 children and it was with my thrid child who is a girl i suffered this illness,but the doctors did tell me not to have another child i was also told that this illness was hereditary but as far as i am aware my mother or father and there mothers and fathers did not suffer any kind of illness but they actually dont know what causes this illness they say it is an inbalance in hormones which i think is a good excusse for saying we dont know but i would love to find out what really does cause this illness i have been told it is caused by a bleed on the brain (not off a medical person just a random person) whether there is any truthin that i dont know ? kind regards emma