wife has pp

[fiona]

Hi Stuart,
I've just been reading the threads about your wife... it sounds really tough.  My husband and I kept a written record of everything the cpn, health visitor, gp and psychiatrist said/drugs etc which really helped in the long run.    The consistency of the nhs mental health team was not great & in the long term, when we found a psychiatrist who could really help, this information was invaluable.
Her behaviour is definitely extreme, but I also found the longterm depression the hardest thing to deal with & bed was the only place where I felt able to cope.  What did help was making sure that I had something in the diary (even a trip to supermarket with friend or family) - when it was planned, I did it and often felt better the following day.  However, I would sometimes dread coming back to the house after a trip out - so the improved feeling wasn't instant.  I also had massive concerns over money and my contribution to the "family".  Did your wife work before your daughter was born? 
I wish that there was an instant fix and 5 years must seem like a lifetime.  Have there been periods during this time when she was well?
I think someone else mentioned looking at private psychiactric help - we found someone who specialised in post natal illnesses.  the consultations were between £50-£150 each, but she liased with our CPN team who were then able to support her plans, so we didn't have to make too many actual appointments.  No-one should have to suffer mentally for that long (family included!) and it is an illness rather than who she is.
I really hope you get through it.  Keep telling your wife why you love (d) her, go through photos of good times and reassure each other that it will get ok again in the future.
good luck
Fo

[stuart]

hi fiona,

and thanks for taking the time to read the threads.

my wife is sleeping even more at the moment,her cpn is going to see about sleeping tablets so she can get a good nights sleep,rather then sleeping during the day to catch up.

as for her motivation,which she has none,her cpn said it is down to my wife to help herself,the last month i have given up trying to help her,as i was getting stressed out,and no matter how hard i tried,nothing was going in with her.my wife did say today tho,that the last thing she wants is me to leave her,so i asked her to help me more with our daughter and around the house,she said she would,but we will see.

we have got pics of when we got married to try to motivate her,up around the house,as i have said in front of my wife/cpn and her psych doc,i want my wife back,but it hasnt worked.

so at the moment,it is upto my wife to help herself,i just hope she sees that.

stu

[stuart]

its been a while since i last posted on here,a lot been going on in our lifes,lost my Dad to cancer after he fought it for 3 years,was a shame to see him deteriorate so quick

Anyway,my wife still aint any better,if anything she has got worse,my mum has been to the last 2 meetings with me to see the psychiatrist doc and her cpn nurse,they have suddenly took notice hearing my mum say the same things about my wife that i have been saying to them over the last 3 years.

First visit with my mum,i said i didnt think my wifes brain was working properly after her last break down,so they sent her for a CT scan,which came back clear,which i wasnt looking towards that avenue,but thought it was a step in the right direction by them.

Second visit to get the results from the Ct scan,i said i was looking more towards her seeing a psychologist as when she first fell ill with this illness,the professor she was under,said it was to do with something that happened in my wifes past life,when she was younger,something to do with when her mum and dad split up......the Cpn nurse and Psychiatrist turned around and said they didnt know anything about this,and said yes straight away to her seeing a psychologist......in other words they hadnt read my wifes files from the first time this happened ,and this has dragged on for 3 years,when it might of been less,so fingers crossed this will help my wife,and we can move on from it all.

One more thing,dont know if anyone else has had this,but my wifes mum blames me for what has happened to her,i know longer get invited to family days out with her,and she dont even come into our home anymore,or ring me to ask how the wife is,i hope in one way,she is proved wrong,and it was her fault in my wifes early years.

[dave]

[quote] but my wifes mum blames me for what has happened to her,i know longer get invited to family days out with her,and she dont even come into our home anymore,or ring me to ask how the wife is,i hope in one way,she is proved wrong,and it was her fault in my wifes early years[/quote]

Unfortunately this doesn't seem uncommon.  Happened to me.

Both need to understand that this is an ILLNESS, and you can't blame anyone for it.  Hopefully M-i-L will eventually have the maturity to realise that.

But if it's really taken three years for them to realise the condition she has, it really is unforgiveable.

[stuart]

Sorry to hear same thing happened to you Dave,i found out 2 weeks ago,that the wifes sister and her hubby also use to blame me for what has happened,but i suppose they was brain washed by the wifes mum

I dont think the M-I-L will ever have the maturity to realise it isnt my fault,its been 5 years and she wont even come to meetings with the wifes psych doc and cpn nurse,even tho its her daughter.

"But if it's really taken three years for them to realise the condition she has, it really is unforgiveable.".........and if you mean her cpn nurse/psych doc,yes it is out of order,and i will be looking into suing there arses,as they should of looked at my wifes past records.........

[mountainclimbinglil]

Dear Stuart

the partners of those who are struggling are our unsung heroes.  You take it all on and ask for nothing in return with no way of knowing how long it will take to get us back.  Just be sure you will.  xx

[stuart]

Well ive started family therapy which after the first session they have realised i need support,if i get it,is anouther thing.....and also said the docs who wife is under aint helping much.

Im also getting friends who ask about my situation who i talk to,telling me to see about getting a break from it all,as they see me struggling to cope.