Pp @ 8 Months

[Jules]

Hello to all fellow pp sufferers and carers,

I had 2 boys; 6, 4 and suffered no pnd or pp with them but after the arrival of my third child; a baby daughter at 8 months old (which we were all ecstatic and thrilled about) I was sectioned and diagnosed at the hospital with a manic episode, however, on being referred to my local hospital I was told that I had suffered a pp which my cpn confirmed.

The illness was terrifying but the recovery has been the worst. Mainly because during my illness I accused my husband of being a murderer and an abuser to the point of ringing the police and him being taken in for questioning.

As you can imagine, this has caused major damage to our marriage and after 12 months it sometimes seems that the damage is irreparable. I have been on my knees in apology, telling him how sorry I am, that I never meant anything of what I said as I was having hallucinations and delusions. However, he says that we can still mean the things we say even when we are ill.

At the one time of my life where I have needed the close, reassurance and emotional support of my husband there has been just anger and frustration leaving me to recover in isolation. I do not know how I have managed to get through the last 12 months other than that I'm a Christian and believe that I have to persevere through this very dark time where there seems to be no meaning or sense in what has happened to me and my family.

I do not believe that God wants me to live a life in fear of mental illness happening to me again. There has to be a way through even when it seems that there is no way through.

I can compare coming home from hospital as that of a result of a bomb blast. It was as if my illness had left such mess and debris everywhere that I had to somehow try and piece together the mess around me.

Why is there not more information available about pp for sufferers and their husbands? Why is there not marriage counselling for all those who suffer?

I am completely off all medication now and my husband and I are struggling through. After 11 years of marriage it is as if we have had to start all over again to rebuild trust.

Let me know how you have all coped after suffering pp.

[Frankie]

Hi Jules
Much of what you have said has struck a chord with me, I could have written some of those words myself!
I have posted a message on my story.
We too have really been through the mill with our relationship, its OK but I wonder if it will ever be the same again. In some ways its better, I know know I can totally rely on my husband, I was lucky, he stood by me, even if he didn't understand. Some ways its bad because whilst suffering from PP I said and did things I can never take back, and some of those words were very true, as you probably know PP can make you very candid, you confidence soars and you believe you are untouchable!
I am now worrying how we will cope if I go through it a second time after the birth of this child in August. I don't think I'll cope and mostly worry about how it would affect my son who will then be just 3. I never want him to see me like I was when he was born, but he wouldn't understand no seeing me either.
I hope you can get through it together, can you talk about it? Have you had couselling?
PP is a very isolating illness, particularly if you have never suffered any mental illness before.
I don't feel that anyone who hasn't suffered it can EVER understand how it feels to loose all control and to have all your confidence and self esteem ripped away.
I hope in time you can mend your relationship.
Take care
Frankiex

[emmajane]

hi jules i can compleatly relate to what you are saying as i too have suffered this horried illness and i dont think anyone can relate to what i or you and other suffers have been through.
i called my husband not fit to burn but fortunatly he was given the best advice avalible so he did understand thankfully but please dont blame your self your partner obviously doesnt understand compleately what happened to you all i can surgest to you that maybe your cpn nurse can put you two in contact with someone who can explain the illness to him properly i hope he can understand eventually what a dreadful ordeal you have actually been through,sometimes we suffer this illness when we ourselves have been through a very difficult up bringing and it is worth trying to unravel the pain we suffered as a little girl as the illness for me was like all my worst fears,
take care of your self and please stay in contact i do feel as you talk about it more you do eventually feel a bit better
kind regards emma

a biblical quote that helped me recover well it not all from the bible but from a book called my dear son by colin urquhart its quite long but i think its very good

heading is called your wilderness

"we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses,but we have one who has been tempted in every way,yet was without sin"(heb.4:15)
jesus had 2 experience every temptation possible.He identified completely with u so u can identifiy completely with him.Just as my spirit led jesus deliberately in2 the wilderness,so i lead u in2 the wilderness,not becoz i am angery with u but 2 strenghthen ur faith. Such times bring refining in2 ur life n teach u 2 trust me regardless of ur circumstances.And that is 1 of the most important lessons for u 2 learn,beloved.
The wilderness is a desolate place.It seem there is nothing 2 sustain or encourage u.U feel isolated n alone.There is nobody 2 turn 2 no one who can understand ur predicament-except me! This is why i allow such times.Each of my children has his or her times in the wilderness.Either they emarge with a stronger trust in me,or they fall away becoz they follow me 4 the wrong reasons.The enemy is very active in his attempts 2 lure them away from dependence on me.During these times u see ur own heart more clearly.u have 2 ask urself:do u really trust me,or do u try 2 struggle through in ur own strength?
as with jesus,i have supplied all the resources u need 2 withstand everything n anything the enemy throws against u.Like jesus,u can come through every time of testing victoriously.Like jesus, i want u 2 emerge from ur time in the wilderness full of joy in the holy spirit.
Do u understand? I have given u my spirit 2 lead u through every time of difficulty in triumphant joy.Even durnig wilderness experiences,i promise both my presensce n provision.I hear ur cry for help n answer u.IT IS NEVER MY PURPOSE TO LEAVE YOU IN THE WILDERNESS.
So dont resent these times.They are times of refining n opportunities 4 spiritual growth,even when it seems i am far from you.When u have trusted me in the wilderness,u can trust me anywhere.
surgested readings from the bible are (heb 4:14-16) (ps.66:10) (rom 8:6) (ps 139:7-10) (jas 1:2-4)