Milder Form of Puerperal Pscychosis

[f33ona]

Hello,

I am writing here because since the birth of my son in April 2009 I have utterly changed.
I am experiencing terrible anxiety attacks and feel an absolute disconnect with everyone around me.
I can not talk to my partner about it, because he freaks out even when I drop something in the kitchen.
I keep seeing the digital clock in double figures and imagine its trying to communicate with me.
I imagine my little boy is channeling his anger and frustrations though me, and making me into a Monster Egotist.
I am so angry and resentful of everyone and society as a whole for not reaching out and supporting Mums.

I haven't experienced visions or voices, but I have freaky deja-vu and I desperately make grandeous theories to try and understand why motherhood is so difficult, when I thought it would be everything in the world that I wanted. I can't keep a chain of thought long enough to speak a sentence. I'm sooo tired I can barely speak to other mums in play groups. I just sit and watch my son like a zombie.

I am afraid that it will take a small thing to knock me over into psychosis. But I definitely don't want to be medicated.

What should I do? I'm not the only one who feels like this, am I? Am I experiencing PND or am I just run-down?

Fiona

[fanacapants]

Fiona,

I have had PP three years ago and can understand some of what you are experiencing. Unfortunately I got so out of control I needed to take anti-psychotic medication which helped massively. Luckily I didn't need to be hospitalised because I had a V supportive family who looked after me until I was better. (I'd actually read about PP and thought I had lots of the symptoms quite soon after having my son  but and laughed it off only to later discover that I was actually right and was diagnosed with it when he was 3 months old!)

Why don't you go and speak to your doctor and be open about how you are feeling. No one likes to take medication but sometimes when you are poorly you do need it to make you better. I was convinced there was actually nothing wrong with me but looking back, clearly there was.

I'm not a doctor and I'm not saying you have PP or PND necessarily, but having a baby can affect your hormones in many ways plus being tired can have an effect too so maybe its best you tell your doctor.

Hope you get sorted xx and take care of yourself

[Joy]

Hi,
I'm sorry that you are feeling like this. I had PP after my first child in 2001 and had lots of weird symptoms, paranioa and hallucinations, insomnia etc. I even thought the postman was reprting to the midwives about me.

Please talk to someone about how you are feeling, I found my health visitor really supportive and she liased with the doctors etc for me. I had to take medication but for me I found that it worked really well and made me feel like me again. I had to take meds again as a preventative measure after my second child but as I didn't really need them they had no effect. If its PP or PND there is a lot that can be done to help, look after yourself,

Sending you best wishes xxxxx Joy (Angela )

[Kay]

I agree with the others hun xx

Talk to someone you trust about what's happening and how you are feeling xx try to be as honest as you can xx Perhaps a GP or health visitor?

Try not to get hung up on taking meds sweety, sometimes all someone may need is a short, low dosage course of something to get them back on track xx they can be a real lifesaver xx My PP back in 2001 had a quick onset and intensified very quickly so take care of yourself xx

I had to take really strong anti psychotic drugs for a while, but when I was better I came off them and have never looked back, that was 9 years ago!! xx

[LisaK]

H Fiona,

You mentioned that you experienced deja vu.  That is very interesting, as I haven't heard many people mention that.  That was one of the primary experiences that I had, along with delusions etc...  I would come up with strange ideas, that I thought I had read over the internet.  Now looking back, I understand that that was not the case.  But the deja vu feeling was so strong.   I had those feelings before I went into a psychotic state and during psychosis.  As I have written before, I didn't descend into full blown psychosis until 18 months after I had my baby.  When I did, it happend very quickly, over a couple of days.  But I believe that I had milder symptoms before that.  I hope you talk to your doctor about it.  Explain to him about the clock communicating to you.  I am from Canada, so I don't know your health care system.   My husband took me to the emergency psychiatric clinic at the hospital in our city.  They treat this as a medical emergency.  And regarding the medication - I can only speak for myself, but it wasn't a big deal.  Risperdal didn't work for me - it made me feel agitated.  But I am on Olanzipane and Lithium and I don't have any side effects.  And the most important thing is that the psychosis is gone.
Best wishes to you.
Lisa

[Fayp]

Hi Fiona,

I know exactly how you feel having had psychosis 10 months ago. I too have had severe anxiety and depression as a result but now this is getting much better due to taking antidepressants. I didn't want to take any medication either but I got so bad I knew I had to and now I am glad I did. Also talking about your fears with health professional can help alot. Take care.
Laura