puerperal psychosis

[blossemhoney]

This is my story of puerperal psychosis

[blossemhoney]

Hello everybody
I just thought i would share my story of pp.
I have a boy of 3 called Tommy and a girl Maggie who is one.
My pp started when Maggie was 4 months old I was setting up my own business called Hairstamp check it out on google.
I was under allot of stress. I dont really remember much but one minuet i was pacing around the garden the next i was in hospital.
First I was put on a acute ward with people i think where allot worse than me I did not even think i was ill i thought my family wanted me locked up and wanted to take my children away now i know this is not true!!
My pp started about two days into hospital first my brain went pop while i was listening to my i pod then i thought god or a doctor was talking to me through the i pod every song i would relate to me.
Me being me just danced around singing while the doctors and patients looked on thinking she is nuts!!  
Then the magazine spoke to me "you need to get tougher even with me" the words just leaped out at me. now i new i was nuts.
The patients started telling me things like Candy 17 yr old girl went to me " i used to be the princess around here" a boy said to me "They give u two blue pills then rape you while you sleep" I believed every word they even told me there was gonna be another holocaust and  everyone was jumping out there windows, so i ran around making sure everyone was safe.
When it rained i thought it was god telling me not to go outside because i smoked or still smoke to much.
I looked after the old lady by getting her pills and i looked after the old man Bob trying to make him happy.
I wanted to save everyone including myself.
4 weeks passed and i went from a size 10 to a size 6 i could not sleep and would not eat.

[blossemhoney]

One afternoon a man and a lady came to visit me they interviewed me and said i could go with them to a mother and baby unit.
Finally i was getting out of the hell hole i prayed to god and said THANKYOU!!
That afternoon i was put in a cab and they took me to the mother and baby unit.
I must say they saved my life! the doctors where terrific and staff where brilliant and i bonded with Maggie.
she is my life and my son.
I never once wanted to hurt her or myself.
I spent 4 months on the mother and baby unit I have been home 6 months now still on medication 20mg of olanzapine 40mg citalopram and anti anxiety drugs. I still get really anxious but my concentration is coming back.
My family are my heroes and have supported me through out.
please leave a comment or write to me xx

[blossemhoney]

Hello been reading all about everyone else's experiences with pp and we all have so much in common I have been out of hospital 10 months, I to had problems with the television thinking it was talking to me and i used to love music and thought my ipod was talking to me, now i try not to listen to it.
I also pushed my family away but they new i was ill so they have supported me.
how long where u on olanzapine for?
how long was the recovery?
when did it start to get better?
did anyone have a relapse?

be great to get some answers xxx

[finkitham]

i would be interested to know also if anyones relapsed ie gone on to develop bipolar ect..? thanks mia

[LisaK]

Hi,

I am also interested in anyone who has had a relapse.  There is one researcher in my home town who believes that PP is a first episode of bipolar disorder.  That said - My doctor says that I am definately not bipolar.  So it is really hard to understand who is right.  Here is some info on bipolar and also information on sleep deprivation and PP.  The researcher's name is Sharma and he is from London Ontario.  You can google more articles on him.  Here is what he says.


http://bipolar.about.com/od/relateddisorders/a/postpartumpsych.htm
Causes and Risk Factors of Postpartum Psychosis
Although more studies are needed to determine the causes of postpartum illnesses, the evidence suggests that the sudden drop in estrogen levels that occurs immediately after the birth of a child plays a significant role, along with sleep disruptions that are inevitable before and after the birth. Many researchers conclude that postpartum psychosis is strongly related to the bipolar spectrum. Indeed, one theory is that new mothers who have psychotic episodes and dramatic mood swings are actually experiencing their first bipolar episodes, with the manic-depressive illness having been "dormant" beforehand and triggered by childbirth. In fact, for 25% of women who have bipolar disorder, the condition began with a postpartum episode (Sharma and Mazmanian).


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12680898
Sleep loss and postpartum psychosis.

Sharma V, Mazmanian D.

Mood Disorders Program, Regional Mental Health Care-London, London, Canada. vsharma@uwo.ca
Abstract

Postpartum psychosis is a rare but severe psychiatric disorder. Its diagnostic status remains controversial, but several studies have shown that the majority of patients who develop psychosis immediately following childbirth suffer from bipolar disorder. The pathophysiology of postpartum psychosis is poorly understood, but factors such as primiparity, difficult labor, genetic predisposition, and hormonal changes have been suggested as etiological factors. This paper reviews the literature on the relationship of sleep disruption and postpartum psychosis. It is argued that sleep loss resulting from the interaction of various putative causal factors may be the final common pathway in the development of psychosis in susceptible women. Clinical significance of these findings, including strategies to prevent postpartum psychosis, are discussed and suggestions are made for future research directions.

[fanacapants]

I had a slight re-lapse about a year after being diagnosed with pp. (Diagnosed with pp back in October 2007 when my baby was 3 months old) It was mild in comparison to full blown psychosis but it happened.
At the time I had been weaned off olanzapine and was still taking citalopram but wasn't depressed and feeling a lot better. I started going jogging and getting a little 'high'. One evening before going jogging, everything went a bit 'funny'. The TV was weird and I got paranoid and suspicious. The docs told me to come off my anti-depressant straight away and I had 2 wks off work. But they put me back on olanzapine and was gradually weaned off it after 6 months. (The docs believe the slight re-lapse happened because I didn't need to be on an anti depressant and that I had too many endorphins from doing jogging as well as taking medication and that's why I went a bit funny.)

Now I am med free and have been for since Christmas. My son will be 3 next month. The psychiatrist did strongly suggest I take a mood stabiliser for the rest of my life when I was discharged but I refused. I do suffer from mood swings (time of the month has a lot to do with it!) But I don't believe I've got bi-polar.

Feel like my short term memory has been affected though. I was always scatty before having a child but now I am lot worse! Just can't remember details but I think this is slightly work stress related.

All I can say is if I am stressed about things, I get a bit panicky and if this happens my heart starts racing. Then if something out of the ordinary happens I can get paranoid and then start thinking weird things are happening and get into a state which could mean that I think I am re-lapsing when in actual fact I am just stressing and panicking. If I rationally think about things are different or a bit strange when I am like this I realise everything is fine. I think if you've had pp you are always worried you might re-lapse. I know I did for a long time.

I sleep well off medication too which helps to keep you sane!xxx

You can read about my pp under a later post called 'Anyone wishing to talk about their experiences?'

[Kay]

[quote author=blossemhoney link=topic=157.msg322#msg322 date=1276966682]

When it rained i thought it was god telling me not to go outside because i smoked or still smoke to much.

[/quote]

How weird you mention the smoking thing!  When I was hospitalised they put me to sleep first off.  When i woke up about 2 in the morning, I made my way to the smoking room and a man in there said to me "why are you in here?" I was still a bit shaky and out of it and I replied "I think because I smoke too much"

How strange, eh`?

I was also like you in that I was on a high and was very protective wanting to save people xx

[blossemhoney]

yay finally people understand just what is like! and we all went through and had similar experiences.
Ive been home now 9 months and im just starting to feel better. I had a blip about 2 months they got crisis team out I was with them for a week they increased my medication to 20mg Olanzapine 10mg in the morning 10mg at night. After about a week i started to feel allot better. I had a cpa meeting on Monday told them i felt much better and they decreased my meds back down to 15mg Olanzapine at night. I still see my cpn every week they are a really lovely team and i feel like i can talk to them. Its taken me nearly a year but im just starting to get over it. I still have flash backs and somethings i am trying not to think about i was very lucky to have gone to Thumbswood mother and baby unit they really did save me. Thanks everyone for the replies its great to find other people who have had and gone through it like me.
all the best blossem xxx

[Kay]

Glad you feeling better hun and that your meds have been reduced xx

I would definitely say it took me about a year to get over what happened and come to terms with it if you like.  Probably took me another year to fully get my confidence back xx

So nice to chat to other people who have been through the same thing!!  I've never met anyone else who had it, so I think this is great xx

I suffered 9 years ago, but still think about it now and again, but find that I am able to look back on it as part of my life if you like so not really in a negative way because it has made me who I am xx

Big hug xx

[blossemhoney]

Well its been over a year since i had pp But I'm still not over it. Still think about the hospital can't make up my mind what was real and what was not.
Im thinking im never gonna get over it just remember things like i was telling all the doctors to go to hell. I even called one of the nurses a bitch lol she keepet blinking all the time so i thought she was taking the piss out of me. I turned into a horrible person I was screaming out the hospital windows Get me out of here!!. On my first day I stole someones bible thinking it had been left for me, I really got obsessed with God I thought he was punishing me. I hated everyone told my Mum i wanted to kill her (luckily she's forgiven me) everything got turned upside down and inside out. I just keep remembering all the horrible things. I turned into a monster i hated everyone and everything. My CPN keeps offering me more counselling but no amount of talking seems to help. How long dose it take to forget such a traumatic experience. I seemed to have lost all my confidence and my sense of humour. Just feel like everyone is out to get me. My CPN is lovely and all she says is "give it time" Am I still psychotic I don't think so but im still on 15m of Olanzapine. Just wish I hadn't of turned against my hole family then i would have got to stay at home. I still feel anxious its like a feeling that something bad is going to happen.
Its like it was all a really bad dream but every time I wake up i think It was real and this gives me more anxiety. When I was on the mother and baby unit i got obsessed with reading the bible i read it front to back but it never made sense and i never really been interested in God before. And pacing all i wanted to do was pace around I couldn't sit still but i think this was due to the medication as they tried me on all sorts before putting me on Olanzipine. I remember the news paper saying to me This is no holiday so I put the news paper up against the window thinking some one on the outside would read it and save me. The doctors just sit there watching you letting you get on with it. My first night i emptied all my possessions onto the bed and told them they could take what the wanted as long as i could go home and someone stole my ds, they just keeped saying your not well enough but i felt fine. Stupid that's how i feel now like my brain has been damaged.Dose anyone else feel his way?? xx

[trebus]

I've never been on a forum in my life and for some reason tonight I decided to pop 'POST PUERPERAL PSYCHOSIS' in to good ole google.. well actually adult learning was my intial query this evening and this has lead on. I've sat and read briefly some of your heart wrenching stories and felt emotional and in total empathy.. my story is however a success story and I want to give encouragement to all of you out there who are only just dealing or just dealt with this.. my story is now 18 years old as my beautiful boy turned 18 only last week!
I suffered from post puerperal psychosis when my son was born, I was a mere 17 and after an easy pregnancy bar the huge bump I had an horrendous delivery, he was 10lbs 6ozs and to say it was difficult is an understatement. I nearly died losing over 5 pints of blood and being transferred from one hospital to another mid labour. He was rushed off and I was pumped full of blood, very poorly very bewildered and very weak. My love for my baby was instant however and my symptoms started approx a week after I left hospital after little or no sleep. I thought firstly that they'd let me go home to die as the blood hadn't taken and I was terrified to close my eyes incase I never woke up again. I then was manic.. cleaning and happy but totally over the top! It then turned into dancing in the graden in the rain, wearign different members of my family's clothes. My brother had to put me to bed every night as I was convinced we were modern day guardian angels and I couldn't sleep until he was home to take care of everybody. I once ran down the garden to face my fear of snakes which in mental state were referred to as serpents because if I didn't our elderly neighbour would die, I watched as it appeared her head fell off!!! then her curtains were drawn so in my mind she was dead, sign of respect.
Over the weeks that followed things progressively got worse and mental health care nurses were called in but my experience of them was not good, it appeared that they were obsessed with had I been abused as a child?? this is the cause for all mental illness attitude??? please? eventually one night I attacked my mother as I could hear voices and was uncontrollable, and a psyciatrist came out I was put on medication and they wanted to admit me to the mother and baby unit...

[trebus]

cont.....................I hit the button there prematurely!!
It took only a 6 week period of total love and support from my mother and brother to get me through I then against advice ceased taking my flid pills as i called then and returned to the person I am! My father and my husband could not cope with my state. I have hugely condensed my story or I'd be here all day..
My doctor advised me that there was a 50/50 chance of this returning with another birth.. however 4 years after I gave birth to another beautiful boy and not only did I not have pp I didn't even shed a tear on milk fillin day!! do not let this scare you not to have more children.
You are not mental it just a very sad and frightening time in your life and ironically you only realise so once out of it.. whilstin this state you think you're fine and everybody else is bonkers!

[Sugar Puff]

I'm so glad to read your story and to know that I am not alone in what happened to me.

I had PP 16 years ago and I was commited to a mental hospital.
It was the most traumatic experience of my life.
I didn't think at the time I had PP and I am still not sure.
I might just have had the baby pinks and blues and a panic attack ... it's a long story.
The doctors said I had a lot of things, PP, manic mood swings, speed psycosis ... it was like a strange game each doctor telling me something else - in a small room with 8 doctors. They put me on lyagactol which was horrible. 
These days there are very good mother and baby units designed specially for treating women with PP and PND.

It took me 14 years to build up the courage to have another baby.
They told me it was a 50/50 chance of reccuring.
The threat of PP nearly sent me over the edge. It sat in the shadows waiting for me.
I had to see a psyciatric nurse everyday.
It may sound strange but I danced it off, tears streaming down my face to The Who's See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, [b]Heal Me[/b] and I felt supported by close freinds that had died, they walked by my side and it gave me confidence.

Happy to say I didn't get it 2nd time.
My gorgeous son is now 2.

Sugar Puff x

[blossemhoney]

Hey thank you!! for replies

Well it's been just over a year now since i was discharged from hospital.
My first few months were the worst I tried going back to work after about three months, I worked as a waitress at our local Beefeater.
It was a nightmare, couldn't remember what people had ordered and was so preoccupied with what had happened and thinking about hospital I just was not focused enough, my boss eventually rung me and told me I had to step down to a commie which is a waitress shadow. I also was a barber before going into hospital so when my old boss gave me a ring begging to go back I did but it was a nightmare couldn't remember how to cut hair, managed to do two clients before panicking and telling my boss I needed to go home.
So then the depression really kicked in my doctor had put me on 10mg of Citalopram and it just was not doing anything so i asked at my next CPA to have it increased, my doctor told me I was putting to much pressure on myself and to forget about work for a while.
As the weeks went on I didn't get any better and my mother became more concerned so did my CPN, anyway I was having thoughts of ending my life Id just had enough!! so they got the crisis team in again. I was with them for two weeks they upped my olanzapine to 10mg morning and 10mg at night.
After about a month I started to feel a bit better so at my next CPA I asked them to lower my med to 15mg which they did.
after about two months i started to feel good my anxiety seemed to be less i could sit for longer and my concentration was coming back.
So at my next CPA I asked for my Olanzapine to be lowered again so they reduced it to 10mg.
In the mean time I had been under going counseling which did not help at all.
I also saw a physiatrist at the beginning but she left.
Anyway so its now Jan 2ND 2011 and I have to say I'm very proud of myself this year I did Christmas at my house it went very well and family said it was the best Christmas they had had in ages so go me.
I'm now working Saturdays in a local Hair and Beauty shop just working on reception not cutting hair as haven't got any confidence, but the girls are really lovely and I'm getting on well there.
I'm also going back to collage redoing my gcse in English and I'm thinking about doing maths and a few other courses.
I haven't thought about this site since the last time I wrote but just the last couple of day's I've been thinking about Stort ward and how terrifying and horrible it really was and how lucky I was to get into Thumbswood mother and baby unit.
I must say only downside at the moment is feeling like I need to sleep most of the time and i find it hard to get up in the morning, but i think this is because I'm taking my Olanzapine to late at night my doctor has told me I should take it at six every night.
I also have very vivid dreams but my anxiety has gone.
So if you're reading this thinking I WILL NEVER GET BETTER!!! Believe me you will it just takes time.