Getting over Pupeural Pychosis (PP)

Hi,

I gave birth to my gorgeous son just over two years ago, July 2007 and five days later i developed symptons of PP. I didn't realise what it was at first and it was my husband who picked it up as he noticed i was worried to leave the house on one occasion when we went to post a letter. I believed and probably still do that i had just given birth and looked a state and didn't particularly want people seeing me like that. I should mention though that i had breakdown two years prior to that and had been severely depressed. So i was persuaded to go and see my doctor because the i didn't want to be as ill as i had been before. Some of the symptons i experienced were very similar and i was very anxious and worried i wouldn't get enough sleep and i was very worried i would end up in a psychiatric hospital again. I had only needed one week but it was the worst experience ever and i was petrified of what was happening to me and of the other patients. Anyway i was referred to a specialist doctor in this area and was diagnosed with PP, they put me on Olanzapine that had worked for me before and i was allowed to stay at home with the help of the crisis team for about 9 weeks. After that i sort of plateued out and didn't get any better, so it was decided that i would beed to go to a mother and baby unit to help me, where they specialised in this sort of illness. Again i was very scared, but i was more scared that my baby would be taken away from me if i did not agree to this help. So i overcame my fear and went for it. It was voluntary and i felt better that it was my decision, where before that decision had been taken away from me. However after a couple of days i told them i wanted to leave because i did not like it there and obviously that was not allowed as i couldn't look after myself and the baby. I was so upset and literally bawled my eyes out. Once was was starting to feel better and knew that the medication that they had put me on was working,I realised that it was the best place for me. i only needed five weeks in there in the end, i responded well to the Lithium and i began to feel myself again. Once i came out of hospital i started doing the nights again, but obviously we were past the worst of it. My husband was an amazing support and it was he who did all the night feeds for the first 9 weeks! I don't know how he did it and it still makes me feel guilty that i wasn't able to do that. Without his strength and help i wouldn't have got through it.

I am still on medication, but due to start weaning myself off in October time. I have been on medication for the last four years, apart from about a year when we were trying for a baby and i was pregnant. I don't want to have to be on medication forever, so i am looking forward to seeing how i am off it.

Of course i am totally scared of having baby no 2 and my husband and i have had the discussion that perhaps we should count ourselves lucky that we have one! I have been told that i am more prone to it happening again as i have had two episodes in my life although they are unrelated. I have spoken to my doctor and she advises that i go on Lithium straight after birth. I am still not ready to have another baby, but i suppose at least i know my options.

I am happy with my life at the moment, i am enjoying my son and husband and i work part time so i feel like i have a nice balance.

I just wanted to post my story up in the hope it may help someone.

Maria